offer hope

connection is transformational

2011-06-02T19:42:00.000-05:00

today's prompt: The world is powered by passionate people, powerful ideas, and fearless action. What’s one strong belief you possess that isn’t shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?

passionate, powerful, fearless--these are challenging words for me. i know i have some work to do before i could use them to describe me. maybe that's why i'm struggling with this one strong belief prompt. what i can say is this: i believe connection is transformational. i believe who we are is shaped most intensely in relationship with other human beings, for better and for worse. we are wired for connection from our earliest days in the womb, and i don't think that ever goes away. life is best lived in relationships that allow and encourage us to be most fully who we are.

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself

roar

2011-06-01T21:55:00.000-05:00

today's prompt:
If ‘the voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tacks,’ then it is more genuine to be present today than to recount yesterdays. How would you describe today using only one sentence? Tell today’s sentence to one other person. Repeat each day.

today was crowned by a sweet, sweet walk with my daughter, who roared each time she saw a dandelion.

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself

the story i need to tell

2011-05-31T21:55:00.000-05:00

the prompt:
You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live.
1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.
2. Write the story that has to be written.

15 minutes to live? 15 minutes to write the story that has to be written? see how a quick change to italics renders the task one of monumental significance. all too easily, i have created an obstacle that feels too large for me to overcome. i've made it bigger than it needs to be and used too many words to say nothing at all. i've spent far too much time writing and deleting and rewriting, shifting words around, piecing them together so they read as flawless and effortless when that's not at all how the process works. it strikes me as i type that that's not how life works either though i've certainly tried that approach. the clock is running down. i have less than 3 minutes left, and i haven't really even started. maybe that is the story i need to tell.

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself

only be

2011-04-26T19:55:00.021-05:00

my eyes lock with yours.
i'm completely laid bare
in this space, in this moment in time
it is almost too much
cause despite how i want, even ache, to be seen
you should know
i am scared of it, too.

and so now that we're past all the bullshit and games,
all the cards i hold close to my chest are displayed,
and i'm out.

fresh out of words to distract or deflect
or defend or place distance or just disconnect.
out in the open, exposed, so to speak
in the silence that echoes between
you and me in this room.

what in the hell is this place that we're in,
and just what is the point of it all?

i breathe in and breathe out
and blink eyes one, two, three
and acknowledge the beat of my heart.
i watch you as you breathe and you blink and you beat
and i think
no, don't think
only be.

only be all that's me
so whatever you see
is what's true
and you'll do
what you will
i will be
be as still
just as still
as i can.

and however it goes
i'll take care not to break,
not take eyes off your face,
hold your gaze
in this place
it is sacred.

be present

2011-03-25T21:32:00.003-05:00

what to write when
there are no words.
when everything's been said
a million times before with
more eloquence and flair.

i sit in an oversized chair and listen as
one seeks to access things that are deeper and
another wants to know what it all means and
how to proceed, which, indeed, is
the question of the hour.

inhale.
exhale.
try that again.
be present to you.
be present to me.
and i will do the same.

who we are

2011-02-06T20:18:00.004-06:00

another new-ish year. another attempt at blogging. my word for 2011 is cultivate.

cultivate creativity. cultivate connection. cultivate craft.

i think maybe writing is a part of this word for me. tonight i returned to this blog that has been dormant for over 2 years. i deleted the majority of what was here because it was mostly pictures, nearly all of which were not very good in terms of composition or content. i left the original posts, though, because they are what i want this blog to be about. and, interestingly enough, the word cultivate appears in the very first entry. coincidence? surely not. perhaps this word has been stirring for a while. whatever the case may be, i know it's time to do something with it. to listen to it. to lean into it. to learn from it.

a week or so ago i read this lovely phrase: the syntax of the cynic. it spoke to me of the importance of language. we are what we say, and we say what we are...or maybe who we are. the way we give voice to our thoughts, our actions, and our emotions unveils so much of who we are and how we make meaning of life. i suppose that's a good reminder as i embark upon a yet another adventure with words.

here we go again.

what i know of love

2008-08-30T20:50:00.002-05:00

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it
Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
your dreams inspire
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
(what I am made of)
and what I know of love

we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution
Something on the road, touched my very soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction
Something on the road, changed my world

as a graduate student working on a degree in counseling, i have just completed my first week of a 9-month internship at a counseling center in town. my days were a mix of ups and downs as i moved through feelings of confidence and doubt in my ability to be a professional in this field. making good grades and having the ability to spout off some of the latest knowledge are not enough to make me an effective counselor. static presentations in the classroom can never equal the ever-dynamic practice of the art. that, i have discovered, can be learned only in the midst of actual experience, scary though that may be. all i can do for the time being is to bring all that i have, which is myself, and trust that that is enough.

i saw this video online tonight, and, though written with a different aim in mind, the lyrics get to the heart of the type of counselor i want to be. some of the theoretical roots of psychology declare that the therapist should be a blank screen, unaffected by the client to whom she is listening. most (though not all) counselors today would probably disagree with that sentiment, and rightly so. i believe that those with whom i have the privilege of working will touch my life in meaningful ways, just as i will touch theirs. i have chosen as a profession to sit with people as they tell stories of pain, of dreams, of hope, of courage, and of love. i will be one who bears witness--one who stands beside to challenge and to cheer. and through that relationship, change will come on both sides.

bright colors

2008-08-26T21:33:00.002-05:00

"I don't spend a lot of time worrying about getting it all right...As long as you're honestly trying to be about loving and healing, people can tell. Anything less than that is just a sell, and nobody's buying it." Becca Stevens, as quoted in hernashville (Aug 08)

sometimes it feels so difficult to be about loving and healing. self-interest seems a lighter load to bear because there is less risk, less vulnerability, less engagement, less energy, less certainty. and yet i know that turning too much inward leaves me isolated in a faded, pastel world that does not feel real. it makes me inauthentic. it turns me into a mysterious bystander, observing but rarely participating. that is not who i want to be. living with empathy and compassion, truly present to those around me, is what gives bright colors to life.

awake, open, present

2008-08-25T01:42:00.001-05:00

i have been laying in bed for a while, tossing and turning. such sleeplessness comes not from worry or fear--not tonight. what is keeping me awake into these early morning hours is none other than inspiration. a seemingly familiar muse is calling my name, and i am remembering in part what it feels like to respond.

this is the year that i will turn thirty, and i've recently realized that i know more and more each day who i am. i'm also beginning to accept the fact that i can choose who i want to be. i'm not stuck in this space that contains me. i am free to move around. i recently read a lovely quote (attributed to george bernard shaw) that says, "life is not about finding yourself. life is about creating yourself." i like the turn of phrase. and so i have been thinking as of late about who it is that i would like to be. i've written before about life, journey, growth, wholeness, thoughts, hopes, and dreams. time and again i've mentioned this notion of a place of possibility. tonight i would add to that list words like beauty, truth, love, and goodness. these are the things i want to cultivate, the things i want to be about. i feel as though i'm just on the edge of stepping into these ethereal concepts in some practical ways. i am awake. i am open. i am present.